Sunday, February 10, 2013
When the Soul Is Starving
I did two things I haven't done before. Well, that's not exactly right. I have done them - sort of, but never like this.
Friday on my drive to work, I talked to God. I didn't bow my head and pray to some entity up in the sky. Nope. Instead, I just talked aloud as if the almighty deity were sitting in the seat next to me. I wasn't demure. I wasn't humble. I didn't beg. Instead, I was my true self. Vocal and demanding as I can often be.
My demanding rambling went on for about 15 minutes. When I finished, I felt. . . honestly? Nothing. I felt alone in my car. I felt as if I had not been heard. I felt foolish. Talking to the air as I had made me question my sanity. Yet, something inside held hope. Hope that someone somewhere had heard my prayer. Hope that my prayer would be answered. I needed it to be answered. I need to know. Why? Why am I here?
Within an hour, the answer walked into my office. A person I once loved, admired, respected and trusted with my very life. I use past tense because something in our relationship changed a few months back, and I no longer feel the way I once felt about her. And her walking into my office? Well, it's just not something she does anymore. Not until Friday that is. She walked right in. I was shocked. She said what she said and I said what I said and then she left. But as she walked away, it occurred to me that God had just answered my question. My purpose? I am here to have relationship with others. Little ol' me effects folks in ways I may never know. . . just as they effect me in ways they may never know. And I'm the only one who can effect the way I do, because there is nobody else like me. I am me. You are you. We are all one of a kind. Somehow the world would be different if you or I did not have our individual effects on others. Coincidental? Perhaps. But perhaps not.
The other thing I did? I meditated. I've meditated before, but never like this. Today was different somehow. My breathing was different, my mind was clearer, my body more relaxed, my imagery greater. I actively participated. And it was. . . well. . . heavenly. I feel new. I feel light. I feel rested, centered and focused. I am balanced.
I'm sorry to report that I haven't done a new interview lately. But only because I've been standing in my own way. Full of doubt.
And one more thing. I wrote a short story today. And then I submitted that story to NPR as a contest entry. Win or lose, it felt amazing. I guess good things happen when you take a moment to feed the soul. At least that was my experience.
How 'bout you? Do you believe you have a soul? Do you feed your soul? If so, in what way do you feed your soul. Would love to hear from you!